Official North Korean News Agency reports:

The were astonishing scenes at this year’s North Korean Politician of the Year Award at Pyongyang City Hall on Tuesday as ailing Valleys’ Supreme Leader Kim Il Mun was awarded the coveted Lifetime Achievement Award. The team of judges, De Nis Bal and Som – reached an unanimous decision to honour the man hailed in his own mind as nothing short of divine.

The assembled crowd of admirers wept openly as the customary eulogy was given by Mer Fin Jons, supremo of the national broadcasting conglomerate. In an openly sycophantic outpouring of praise, a tearful Mer extolled Kim’s countless virtues, prostrating himself on the stage at regular intervals during the four-hour speech as he recalled, repeatedly, for the benefit of those at the back of the gargantuan People’s Palace, how Kim had graciously promoted him to the exalted position of Commissar of the North Korean Broadcasting Corporation (NKBC) and Minister for Propaganda and Public Enlightenment.

Mer went on to recall how he had enjoyed many a climb as Kim’s sherpa and guide on the North Face of the Holy Mountain of Sno-Don, the country’s most sacred peak when the Great Leader had been able to tear himself away from his duties maintaining world peace as chairperson of the UN Security Council.

Pictured: Commissar Mer Fin with Great Leader Kim planning climb of Holy Mountain of Sno-Don

As the Commissar’s speech drew to a close, the stage was engulfed as wave upon wave of weeping admirers surged forward to offer their congratulations to the Great Leader. An ugly riot was prevented by the timely intervention of the elite People’s Guard who fired repeatedly over the heads of the crowd. Few fatalities were reported. Calm was finally restored and Kim Il Mun was able to receive the customary standing ovation, which continued for a record 49 minutes and thirty seconds – new record.

Kim's Cardiff Memorial

It was announced that Kim is to be honoured with a 20-times lifestyle bronze statue to be erected in the Square of the Half-starved Serfs in central Pyongyang.

Pyongyang
South Glamorgan
Dateline: Wednesday

Kim shows Kim the Great Leap into the Dark.

Wikileeks reports:

“It was all orchestrated by the dreaded secret police, the Hed Lu,” said leading dissident and pro-democracy campaigner Dae Kwm Skwt. “There was no standing ovation at all; in fact many, including influential Pyongyang dissident Roy Jay Tho Mas walked out in disgust.”

Indeed, Kim is known for his opposition to granting increased powers to the subjugated Cym Ry minority, conquered and annexed several hundred years ago. Despite centuries of oppression and the almost total exploitation of their natural resources the Cym Ry have never lost their identity or their dream of one day becoming a free nation once again.

“It’s ironic that Kim is actually one of the Cym Ry,” Dae added, “He started out as a firebrand socialist but has now joined the gang of imperialists and power-hungry fascist tycoons in the capital. Kim advocates centralised state authority and the brutal oppression of any nationalist or secessionist dissidence.”

“As with so many similar situations Cym Ru is the most deprived and economically inactive area of this divided and failing state.”