It’s time people stopped relaying this tasteless question round the Internet. To wish for the death of another human being is, to put it at its very mildest, reprehensible. No civilized person would even think of it. Exactly when Margaret Hilda Roberts shuffles off this mortal coil should be a matter only affecting her family and friends.
But it isn’t. There’s talk of her being granted a state funeral. Admittedly, she never specified from which direction the rolling would happen, but she did speak of rolling back the frontiers of the state. Were she still fully aware of what’s going on round her, she would doubtless be horrified at the suggestion. She would doubtless be equally horrified that she seems to be attracting some £100,000 of official expenses every year. I have, however, a plan that will lighten the burden on the public purse, and respect Sir Mark’s mum’s principles.
The desk dealing with her expenses claims should be privatized without delay, and floated on the Lichtensteinian Stock Exchange, under the name of ThatchBrass SA. All her loyal fans would be thus enabled to demonstrate their commitment by investing in it. ThatchBrass SA would in turn create a subsidiary, Thatchequies SA, to be registered at a box number above a sweetshop in Macao. Thatchequies SA would take on the delivery of preparations for the funeral. This would include the hire of redundant members of the Crown Forces, TV coverage (including advertising rights), rent on public thoroughfares for the funeral route, etc.
This solution is so obvious that I marvel nobody thought of it before. It solves several problems all at once. Hooray!